I Can Not Help But Compare and Contrast
by shattered hourglass
Summary: Directing my thoughts away from my sister, my golden eyes, one scarred from a moment so very long ago, force my gaze to once again fall upon you. And again a million questions fill my mind.


**I Can Not Help But Compare and Contrast**

By: Shattered Hourglass

Requested by: Reigning Fyre

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender

How can you be so determined? Why is it, that it seems that there is never a single doubt to ever cross your mind?

Protect your sister. Protect the Avatar. Protect your village. Help end this war. Be a warrior.

Your goals, your motives; they never change. They have always been the same haven't they? You may have taken on new goals, developed new motives, true; but not once have you ever forgotten your old conquests.

I don't know how much my purpose has changed in the past few months… No… It has only been a few weeks since I have been named a traitor to my country. For some reason it seems longer than the three years I spent in banishment. Though I must admit, banishment is far favorable to having Azula and her friends after my hide.

I can't help but snort. Friends? It seems impossible for someone as sadistic and arrogant as my sister to possess, but Mei and Ty Lee are as loyal to her as my uncle is to me.

Directing my thoughts away from my sister, my golden eyes (one scarred from a moment so very long ago), force my gaze to once again fall upon you. And again a million questions fill my mind.

How can you charge into battle without fear, with such confidence, when you have no bending art to assist you? I have fought battles against many without using my bending, true. I have also won those battles with little trouble. Yet there is always an underlying hesitance, an almost intangible amount of doubt when I can not use my beloved firebending.

Perhaps my bending is a security, a comfort of sorts, more than a fighting skill.

I can't help but compare the two of us.

Both of us are the eldest child of our families. We both have a younger sister. Our mothers were taken away from us before their time. Neither of us has seen our fathers for several years. We have both honed our methods of battle from a young age. Both of us have far more thoughts brewing in our minds than it appears. Our elements can easily describe us. We are both quick to anger as well as stubborn, determined, and proud.

And yet, I can't help but contrast the two of us.

Yes, we are both the eldest child of our families. For me though, this marks me as the heir to an entire nation, should my banishment end. For you it means that you are the protector of your family; and of your village until the men return from war.

We both have a younger sister, but they are as different as the elements they bend.

Your sister is kind, sweet, caring, although a bit naïve at times. She is maturing quickly though. She will always care for you, no matter what you do or how much she changes. There will never be a moment where she stops loving you.

My sister is a demon. She is cruel, sadistic, calculating, and merciless. Where your sister cares for you, mine despises me and curses the day I was born. My sister wishes for nothing more then my death so that she may ascend to the throne when the time comes. Or maybe she simply wishes for my death at her own pale hands because she wants to see me suffer… One can never tell with demons.

We have both lost our mothers. Yours was lost to a raid from my very nation. Mine was taken away from me not long after Azula was born. You know your mother died from the wounds inflicted upon her by merciless soldiers. I don't know whether it was sickness that took my mother away from me, or if she simply couldn't stand that which was my father, and broke. Unlike most fire nation noblewomen, my mother was very kind and frail. Unlike most water nation women, your mother was strong and courageous.

We have not seen the faces of our fathers for many years. You, because your father went to war without you long ago. Me, because my father can not stand the fact I am his child and washed his hands of me. Your father would be proud of the warrior you have become in his absence. I would sink even lower in my fathers eyes (if this is even possible) if he saw me now.

We have practiced our skills of battle tirelessly since we were both young. You practiced because you wanted to be a strong warrior who could protect your home and your family. I was forced to grow stronger so I would be fit to take charge of the Fire Nation when the time arose.

Our minds are both different then many would believe. Despite your fool's act, you have a quick calculating mind with a talent for puzzles and strategies; just as my mind is full of doubts and questions and harsh realizations, despite my arrogant and confident appearance.

We are aspect of our elements. I am a wild fire. I consume everything in my path, leaving nothing untouched. I am erratic, uncontrollable, and impossible to ignore (how can anyone ignore me). You are a part of the glacier that has broken away. Despite being a smaller part of something much larger, you are still grand in size. You stay what you were, while becoming something more as you change (always changing, always moving), and even though you stray from your home, you are making your way without trouble.

We are both quick to anger, determined, and proud.

You anger when you have been wronged or become protective. You are determined because you care deeply for your goals. You are proud, because you worked hard to become what you are today.

I anger because I can not control the rage within me. I am determined for selfish reasons. I am proud because I was taught to be.

Should the Avatar or my uncle (and quite possibly you) hear me voice, my thoughts right now; you would all be quick to challenge me. You would all tell me that I was being foolish, that I do not give myself enough credit, and that I was too eager to pounce upon my flaws and ignore my strengths.

But I don't care.

I don't care what they have to say to me (even though that is a blatant lie), I don't care what I think of myself (denial), and I don't care what you think (another lie that I tell myself).

So when I find myself with you yet again (my lips claiming yours hungrily, my tongue raping your mouth, my fingers weaving though your hair, my hand sliding down the expanse of your thigh as my arms pull your body tighter against mine), I push all these thoughts to the side.

For this moment, there are no questions, no doubts, no war, no pain.

There is only me and you.

And that is the only answer I need.


End file.
